Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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