It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
