is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
