I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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