She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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