You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
