You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
