...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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