This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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