You're a womanizer and a bitch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
