Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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