Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize