that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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