I wish I could punch you in the face.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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