im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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