Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
