she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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