If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize