The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
