just tell him i said nine months
this boner is exhausting
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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