Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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