I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
