I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
