when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dating After Heartbreak
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.