she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
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Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.