Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"

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(407): I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!" http://tfl.nu/fhku

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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(505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr

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(419): View more from Ohio

I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

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(419): I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4l78

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(228): View more from Mississippi

She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly

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(228): She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly http://tfl.nu/58r9

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(205): View more from Alabama

btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever

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(205): btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever http://tfl.nu/nic9

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(409): View more from Texas

Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.

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(409): Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me. http://tfl.nu/r0oo

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(712): View more from Iowa

They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.

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(712): They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem. http://tfl.nu/r408

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(208): View more from Idaho

The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo

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(208): The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo http://tfl.nu/5szi

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."

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(901): I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower." http://tfl.nu/7vf5

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.

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(306): ??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas. http://tfl.nu/j6o2

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(509): View more from Washington

Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".

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(509): Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable". http://tfl.nu/w1e1

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(+61): View more from Australia

I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.

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(+61): I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden. http://tfl.nu/335z

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(425): View more from Washington

I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge

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(425): I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge http://tfl.nu/ss4f

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.

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(306): I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later. http://tfl.nu/c155

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.

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(423): I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax. http://tfl.nu/e9ya

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