Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants