If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.