You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!