based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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