shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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