her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
