don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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