She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize