Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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