If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
