I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
