Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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