broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize