its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
