Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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