i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
