I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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