She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
