By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
