i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Your tits are I can't wait for
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
