We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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