I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
