Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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