I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
