you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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