Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize