dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
