I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
