i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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