Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
