I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Couch. On fire.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
