well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
