well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
