if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
