there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
