Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
